Here's The Thing

#1. My shoulders aren't tight because my "core" needs tightening, and I'd appreciate you not rubbing my belly when you make that proclamation either. Well, no, to be fair, I liked it when you rubbed my belly, I just didn't like the words coming out of your mouth while my belly was being rubbed (I think you patted it once too, for posterity). I think we can safely assume that my shoulders are tight because I have a hole in my neck. See the post The Answer to Everything is My Throat Got Cut.

#2. A good example of not healing well and/or refraining from feeling the pain from said hole in neck (and at this point, it's safe to say it is more of a scrape in the neck) is not getting in the car with a New Yorker. Or trusting his GPS device. I'm voting for the guy from Chicago doing the driving today. Actually, no, I take that back, I'm just not getting in the car. You guys can come to me. I'll be here all day, laying in bed, moaning about how tight my shoulders are because my core (which presumably means my abs) isn't strengthened.

#3. Target has really good sales. Also, and unrelated to that statement but somewhat relevant, we have new bath towels, as all our previous towels were used to soak up the black paint that Sassy felt would look really pretty residing in the carpet. Walking around Target in a neck brace is also a great way to meet women, which is really too bad, since I already met the last woman I'll ever need to meet, and she's still showering at this moment.

#4. I should be in bed right now because Sassy is in the shower (see #3), but I had to get up to take my pain medication, so I thought I'd tell you what's on my mind. But let's not tell Sassy I got distracted.


  1. Hey, I'm a great driver, you're just a backseat driver.
    For the record, I have a clean driving record, 0 accidents, 0 tickets.
    I think my dad dying in a car crash has made me imune to all traffic infractions.


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