The Answer to Everything is "My Throat Got Cut"

I think being in pain makes my brain slightly lazy, because I'm finding that saying "my throat got cut" is a perfectly valid answer for pretty much everything. 

Are you hungry?
Um, hi, my throat got cut.

How are you feeling?
My throat. Got cut.

Are you supposed to be wearing those compression garments on your legs this many days after the surgery?
Hell if I know...my throat got cut.

Do you want some ice cream?
My throat kinda got cut, so I mean...what flavor?

Want to see it?

I kind of want to see how this whole throat area looks, but I can't take off the neck brace until tomorrow. I know a lot of you are thinking to yourselves, "wait, you're actually listening to someone's directions? and following them?" (That right there is one of the instances where two question marks in the same sentence is correct -- that's rare, my friends. My throat got cut.) I figure it this way: I literally gave the thumbs-up to the guy who took a really sharp knife and cut my throat, then took a disc out and put in some zombie's disc, so if that guy says "hey don't take that neck brace off until Sunday" and I say "why Sunday?" and then he says "because you should always take a shower before going into the house of the Lord" and then I say "anytime me and Sassy are present, baby Jesus is too," I'm going to listen to that guy. Even if said conversation took place in my head, after they fitted the mask over my face, because my throat got cut.

1 comment:

  1. You get pretty entertaining when you're delirious. I was wishing I had the heart to record you when you were on the morphine drip, post-surgery. I'm pretty sure you mentioned that baby-jesus-and-the-surgeon conversation at some point.


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