Because I Want To

I have just finished going through my first pre-operation appointment as an adult. All of my other surgeries were before I was 18 years old, so naturally, I didn't have to do shit to get ready for them. My folks filled out all the paperwork, and while I'm sure I had to undergo the same stuff to be "cleared," I don't remember it very much. (Probably the saving grace of my childhood is how much I can or can't remember.)
I have many such bracelets

So yesterday was pretty strange to me -- here I am filling out my own paperwork; walking around this hospital to get all this stuff done; smelling that horrible, awful hospital smell. A bit surreal. But it made me think back on all those times I could remember, sitting at the desks with my folks bored out of my mind but too terrified to really act out because, unlike any other situation where kid-is-bored-wrecks-havoc, I knew I was about to have my head cut open and spliced back together.

Yesterday reminded me of those times, I suppose. But different. Because there were no parents this time. Just me walking around, lost and confused (hospitals have never been designed to be sensical, which is a made up word but still very apt), changing out of clothes and into dressing gowns and then back into clothes and then back into the gowns...couldn't I have just kept that shit on the first time? No, apparently not.

So anyway, the afternoon of tests and such went well. Which means the surgery is still on for later this month.


  1. I know something about the things you describe, possibly nowehre near as well as you do, but enough to know that I hate that cold feeling of fear in the gut when you're in a hospital.
    You just want to vomit, but try to maintain composure as to not appear scared or nervous.
    The whole time, you're just pacing back and forth, expecting the worst.
    It's scary.
    I've had to get screened for several horrifyingly scary things ranging from brain tumors to a degenerative heart to things as extreme as Cancer and AIDS (I got sliced by a razor blade), but have always lucked out in the end, though I shat bricks during the beginning testing, afterwards I had a hearty laugh.
    No one will judge you for being a bit afraid, plus, I know that this is something that will come and go and we'll be playing rockband in 2 weeks.
    Heal fast friend, I require a mighty hug at the airport.

  2. The doc lady told me I'll be in a soft brace for a bit...it's gonna make our .gif hug fucking wild this go-around.

  3. <3 <3 I wish I could've been there with you, even just to check out your ass in the hospital gown. But alas, the addition of a five year old to the mix would not have been pleasant. AMIRITE?

    Also: I knew you were into accessories for a reason.

  4. The xray assistant was pretty high on my ass; while her cohort (a male, who was not peering at my ass) was giving me instruction, she comes from behind their magical glass booth and introduces herself with an arched eyebrow. I edged nervously away (ass facing a neutral wall) and said, "uh, hi." Then I did the standing splits and gave them a fucking slice of heaven. POW!

  5. Anyone want to see a fat guy do a split?


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