It's Saturday, So...

Know what that means?

90% chance of going to this place.

1. Sassy will be making an extra two cups of coffee. Because how better to celebrate your relaxing day off than with more caffeine?

2. Although Kid will be showered and dressed before coming out to the living room, Sassy will be wearing Kid's t-shirt and leggings until noon unless he takes her out to breakfast first.

3. Sassy will try (at some point in the day) to paint, color, cook, re-hang, or re-design something in the apartment, and she will want to talk about it the whole time. Kid will be playing video games, Words with Friends, chess, and/or all of the above, while rollicking in and amongst Sassy's incessant chatter. To Sassy and the kiddo's delight, he will yell, "I'M KICKING A CHICKEN!" at least three times while playing Fable.

4. Kid and Sassy will each consider doing the laundry at some point during the day, then will come up with solid, perfectly logical reasons not to do it. Unless one of them is out of clean underwear.

5. The Ishes will probably go to a bookstore, or at least talk about going to one.

6. Around 10am, Sassy will begin pestering Kid about what he wants for dinner. Nobody knows why she does this, not even her.

7. Sassy will fret about needing to refill the hummingbird feeder because they're either starving or going to attack out of spite. The problem is she insisted on buying the cheapest feeder and it dumps copious amounts of sticky red goo EVERYWHERE if you so much as breathe next to the thing; she also hung it 5 feet overhead, on the patio. 

8.  Lastly, you can be assured that any given day of the week the Ishes will be playing YouTube videos at random throughout the day, while singing, wrestling, or head-banging. If Kid (or especially the kiddo) gets first pick, you can bet it'll be this one. Enjoy...!


  1. 9. Kid will watch four hockey games at once and will still find time to bitch about Anaheim's play.

  2. I assume that you not only know every fucking word of this song but also EVERY move.

    Where can I find one of those Leia Headbands?

  3. Why is it that us old folks fucking LOVE department store shopping anyway?
    Seriously, how many times can we buy a jug of tide or some god damned curtains?
    Which reminds me, there wasn't much talk about department store shopping in this post, which misled me, and I now hate you both.

  4. I ended up doing a Target run by myself. I was found this morning by Fullerton police.

  5. AS IF I ever turn down a chance to go to Target.

  6. Target is like the disco for responsible adults.
    It's just a big ball of fun.


  7. Ummmm... the problem here is that you actually try to find the birds. If you set up a bird trap that would immediately end the life of those feathered creatures of hell, then you would only have dead birds to clean up and not red goo. Stop feeding them, Mary Poppins.
    You are welcome.

  8. Pfft, everyone knows you have to kill birds in pairs if you want to make proper sacrifice. That's the best way to gain their soul power and reap the reward.
    1. Bird feeder
    2. Turned bird feeder DEATH MACHINE WITH TWO CHAMBERS
    3. ????
    4. PROFIT

  9. Um, now I have to sit out there with a BB gun to protect the birds FROM YOU EVIL BEASTS.

    ...now where the hell did I put my flying umbrella...?

  10. Birds are essentially flying vermin.
    Kill them with great prejudice.
    There's an old man who feeds pigeons everyday.
    I'd like to feed him to some dogs.


The space below is where you try to be funnier than us. Ok, go.