There Will Be Grease

McDonald's is not an eatery that anyone other than my dad would say "tastes good." It serves its purpose in its own special way: it is hot, it is fast, it is greasy, it is [relatively] inexpensive. The only thing this place has going for it is the Monopoly game. I friggin' love the Monopoly game. I have no idea why, because I hate playing Monopoly itself -- although again, my dad thinks it is the best game ever. But I love McDonald's Monopoly, and I already won a medium fries.

Proceed to get fat
I don't care what you think. Let's fight.

It's hockey season, you see. I want to fight everything -- I don't literally go around fighting anything, ever. But there's this feeling you get during hockey season, where, when someone cuts you off on the freeway, you drop the gloves you weren't even wearing in your mind. Then you get over it and go about your day like normal.

So I want to fight everything, especially since my throat got cut -- I'm going to milk that until 2011, easy. (If the pain lingers that long, I'll gladly accept my shitty Karma, earned by my boisterous lack of tact on every subject. And by "accept," I mean "rage against.")

I think it's great that someone who barely knows me will read this and continue thinking I'm insane. Sassy and I have chatted about this before. Pillow-talk, baby. Words were said, like: "people think you're fucking insane." And then I'm like, "...because I am fucking insane." Then her, "no, no, no, but you like people to think that, huh?" And then me, "maybe. Wanna makeout?" HOW COULD SHE SAY NO!? She couldn't.

Blame science.

Oh, but I wanted to touch upon my teams real quickly.
#1. Toronto Maple Leafs. 

They won't do anything this year, but they will be fun to watch. It doesn't really matter if they iced a team full of midgets, I'd still root for them. Wait...that might help them...hmm. Anyway. I do wish Phaneuf wasn't captain of the team, but hey, I wasn't going to like anyone not named Sundin anyway. I will like a new captain one day. But not today. Burke is going to have a good team in two years though. I predict nothing.

#2. Anaheim Ducks.

The Ducks have a top line that is enviable to almost every other team in the league in Getzlaf, Perry, and Ryan. They also have Jonas Hiller in goal, Teemu Selanne and Saku Koivu on the second line, and Lubomir Visnovsky back on defense. You'd think they'd do ok. But see, here's the thing: they won't. They will not play up to their best because Anaheim has a poor coaching staff. The gameplay style they won the Cup with worked when the defense was stacked; it isn't stacked any longer, as Visnovsky is really the only bright spot in my mind, but the style of play hasn't changed accordingly.

#3. Philadelphia Flyers.

Who the hell is that goalie? Philly will do just fine this year. Mike Richards will hit anyone who says differently. Then score on that man's goalie immediately thereafter and his mom later in the day. I really like that kid. Philly plays now like they did when I was a kid, so I'm enjoying them the past couple seasons. (And their run to the Cup last year didn't hurt my loyalty to them any.) 

I'll leave you with this fantastical representation of...the mustache.
There isn't anything you can say


  1. I touched your girl's leg, let's fight.
    And by fight I mean roll around on the carpet with the cats.
    And by that I mean buttsecks.

  2. That was the highlight of your trip, wasn't it?

  3. Well, a monster hug couldn't have been had because I might have crushed your pancreas.
    So yeah.


The space below is where you try to be funnier than us. Ok, go.