We Are Pretendtious

A Prologue

I wrote this in a span of a few hours last night and this morning. I used a Univers font, which may or may not transfer -- and if it does, you may not be able to see it anyway, since it isn't a standard font. (Fonts are important to writers. Unless Sassy brings them up, then fonts are just what dorky design folks geek-out to, which is ideal for me making fun of her.)

Without further ado, except for this picture:

So, so right

Writing...Possibly...One Day

I've been entertaining a notion of writing some fiction and posting it on here. It isn't any of my planned fiction -- by which I should admit to not working on very frequently -- but more of a spontaneous, episodic, I write whatever I want kind of thing, but within the boundaries of what I've created already. That's a cumbersome way of saying I'm going to write short stories set within a world I made up for other stories but will now shamelessly exploit.

Hey, It's Friday

It is the one day of the week where stating repeatedly what day of the week it is serves as a sufficient response to pretty much everything. You can tell people the day of the week in a revelationary and excited tone, like as a response to a greeting or even just a reminder to other people about how retarded you're going to act later tonight. I shall give you illuminous examples now:

Walking in to work, as a general announcement: "WHOO IT'S FRIDAY!" (but don't smack your coworkers' ass, that's going too far)
On everyone's Facebook: "yay it's Friday, can't wait to get my party on." (or some such "cool" synonymous term, as clearly I don't "get my party on" much)
When asked how you are: "dude, it's Friday."
When asked how you feel, as it looks like your body is stiff and sore: "f*ck you, it's Friday."
Getting home from work: "where's my brewsky, it's Friday!"
When asked why the hell you seriously just said that: "well you do look like you stepped into a wind tunnel. But...it's Friday?"
On being arrested after all those brewskys: "BUT IT'S FRIDAY!"

Elementary Schools

Kid writes words in green and captions in black and believes most people can't remember to turn off the lights when they leave a room because it is part of the Human Condition. Sassy writes in blue and believes in defending the people who forget to turn off the lights when they leave a room on the premise that they are returning in just a second (and after a show on the Food Network) to get and/or do something.

The Anatomy Of A Facebook Conversation

Ever wonder why it seems like we ALL have ADD?

You Don't Get "It"

To start: click play and listen to the tunes while reading. Then you will be in the appropriate "special place" for this post.

Showing Martha What's Up

Here's how you REALLY fold a sheet, Martha.

I Before E Except After C, And Sometimes...Why?

What do you do when you have too many small ideas to blog about, not many big ones, and even less time? I'll tell you: it's LIST MAKING TIME. Whoot. I love lists, and I have 20 minutes before my next call. Go time.

Angry Irishman

It is catch-up with the Ishes* today! I have no anger in me, not even the type supplied by the title: two parts Irish Whiskey (thanks, Slick), two parts Irish Cream, and some ice cubes. The last time I even made said drink of anger was for guests, some time ago.

But I'm kind of starting in the middle here, as first I want to share some random lyrics to set the tone.

Free Things Are Good Things

Most of you probably know this, but for those of you who don't, let me give you some straight knowledge-bombs here. You'll thank me forever, you'll see. Ok, here it goes: the glue on envelops tastes awful. I'm not such a big fan of that glue, nor is my tongue. Avoid it at all costs.

Dangit, Relapse

There's a few things I've done or been a part of in life that I really could have lived just fine without experiencing. One of those things I mentioned a bit ago, in the post Where I've Been. I speak of alcoholism or, in broader terms, addiction. I myself am not an addict.

The Obnoxiously Emotional Art Hour With Sassy

Hello! This post is a fun one. Well. Rather, it plans to be. Eventually. You see, I will digress obnoxiously for the next paragraph (or three), then it'll get good. Just bear with me a sec...I'm awkward. It's been awhile since I've posted, but (I think) I'm back in the game now.