The People Want More Neon

It was a few magical nights ago, there were fireflies flitting about the living room crooning about the wonders of airborne life and the dustiness of the Great Lamp that is their shrine, and Sassy and I were sitting together on the sofa. We were watching television. I believe it was a program about food. I want to point out here, even in the midst of this special moment I'm describing, to make sure we're clear: Sassy likes programming about food and watching it with her makes me hungry, so I go along with minimal protest (unless hockey is on). But I digress. We were being sang to by fireflies somehow. Candles were burning. Neighbors were gathering beneath our balcony holding up lighters and sighing (no mistake, friend: they were sighing loudly and in time) little contented sighs to each other because of how peaceful that spot of sidewalk was.

I feel a picture would best represent this. 
They never saw us coming
So that happened. Where was I? Oh, right, Fable 3. For this story to continue, you need to understand something about Fable 3. It is a game of many interactions. You will spend more time interacting with villagers and other NPCs (nonplayable characters) than you will fighting things. Probably. I'm not really basing this on stats or anything, so don't get fucking ticklish about this one. Anyway, here's how the interaction screen looks.
Changing minds

Oops. Ok, that's how I interact with everyone. This is how normal people do it.
...yes, it is gameplay footage, see the button?

See? There's a button you press and hold. Now, back to my story.

So Sassy and I were watching food programming while I was imagining drive-bys, and she said something to me that required a response. Interaction! You see where this is going, don't you? 

Ok, not there. I didn't impale her on a sword or something. Come on. Be reasonable. That rubberband came from one of those pesky sighing neighbors outside. 

I don't recall what she said. I doubt she does either, so this is less a shortcoming of mine. But she said it. To me. This is significant, because I'm kind of unpredictable in all of my responses to, well, pretty much everything. It's a load of fun, but I suppose if you really, really wanted to tell me about how difficult this or that was during this highly emotional moment of your day, my response could be understanding and supportive...or I could mimic riding an electronic bull while sign-languaging my desire to get up and get more water at the commercial. (This is an approximation, because I don't think I've ever mimicked anything other than air guitar.) 

But she said something, and it was like that: something relatively spiffy to hear and comment on, but maybe also just Sassy saying something to hear herself say it. (She does this 90% less than I do, so she's really the patient one here.) And instead of responding in a manner I would have enjoyed a hell of a lot more, like initiating a fight with the fireflies, I deliberately decided to choose the "good interaction choice," like in Fable 3.

Which is the A-button, I just want to point out. So, in immediate response to her words, I said with complete sincerity, "I'm pressing and holding the A-button, you may continue," and I looked into her eyes and eagerly awaited whatever she was going to continue with. Like this.

She knew what I meant. But nonetheless, she laughed, and whatever it was she was saying was probably not said, but we had to clean the couch later because caramel and apples is a tasty snack. Among other things.


  1. Such a sweet write up :). Your beginning made me think of the movie "Grave of the Fireflies". A good movie if you haven't seen it.

  2. I'm dying right now. I do SO talk to myself more than you do, and you know it. But you have also done the electronic-riding-a-bull-down-the-hallway-while-not-listening-to-Sassy-chatter routine a few times too.

    Add apple vodka and it gets H I L A R I O U S.

  3. Caramel is also sticky, like other things.

  4. Like duct tape. Tell me about it. My best friend once decided to cover his guitar in duct tape. Guess who he left to peel it off when he got sick of it and gifted the guitar to me for like, an In-N-Out meal? YEAH, ME.

    p.s. clean your gutters. Hehe.

  5. Other things that are sticky:
    Aqua net
    dried urine


The space below is where you try to be funnier than us. Ok, go.