There are times to talk and times to listen. Times to watch and times to DO. Now is a time in my life for me to watch (not do, not fix, not distract)...and time to listen (not sing, not speak, not relate, not even empathize...just listen). This is quite difficult for me, as I rarely shut up or rarely stop doing anything. But at the same time? Extraordinary. This multitasker doesn't know how to be still anymore, unless she's tied up in a yoga knot.
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| Shel Silverstein Gets Me |
As an adult and especially as a parent, I've lost touch with that childlike state of silence - of watching, listening, and waiting for the outcome, knowing there's not much you can do to change it. As a child, there was a transparent safety and calm in this (at least, thankfully, there was for me) but that particular aspect was lost to me until recently. Seeing this image reminded me of what the world felt like for most of my life - until adult choices and responsibilities took over, requiring my assertion elsewhere. I am strong and have had no trouble doing this when I've had to, though I am inherently more comfortable in a position of observation. People and nature inspire me, so as a quiet, goofy, imaginative child, I would watch and collect stories. It was a comfort then; it is becoming such a comfort again. This time though, I get to be the quiet observer AND the strong support for him to lean on. I suppose this is a part of growing up - merging the yin and yang of me together. I hope I do it well.
As we prepare for Kid's surgery, each clinging to the other for support and comfort, I am filled with trepidation but (awkwardly) thankful for the hidden lesson here. Shit happens, and this time it's happening to the one I love. There's nothing I can do to make it go away, and no matter how much that drives me insane (don't tell me I CAN'T. That's ABSURD.) I also know it's true. And I hate it....but I'm learning to be quietly steady and strong, so my best friend can heal.
The irony here? After next Tuesday, my vocal cords will hurt, so I'll be speaking less. Haha. I'M FALLING APART!
ReplyDeleteI'm still holding out for Stephen Hawking Voicebox Upgrade while you're in there. I plan on bribing the doc with our rent money once you're out cold. (It'll be so AWESOME).
ReplyDeleteThe white board will suffice, and it'll be funnier anyway, since I'll write swear words on it.
ReplyDeleteI hope they program the voice box thingy with Darth Vader's voice, or at least a New York Accent thicker than mine.
ReplyDeleteThat would rule.
And are you guys actually cligning to each other for support?
Like in those pictures below?
This is very literal, yes?
Oh yeah, dude. We strap leashes on each other when we go out in public. We're huge sissies.
ReplyDeleteGross.
ReplyDeleteI purposely never bathe to avoid these situations.
Sassy-So perfectly put. So true that we must move through these difficult times not trying to FIX or HEAL but be a supporting pillar of strength. You are a strong and amazing woman and friend and Kid is so lucky to have you!!!!
ReplyDeleteAM
Ahh, Andi, She's ok, I'm a lot more cuddly.
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, Kid's going to need new RPG's, and new reading material, and more play time with yours truly.
So let's work on that, it's for healing, you know?
AM - thank you, that's such a great thing to hear. Every bit of encouragement helps. =) I think he's lucky to have me too, but then again...it's utterly mutual. Works out kinda nicely!
ReplyDeleteB - Kid has announced that nobody will be helping him find reading material because he's smarter than God and picks better books than all of us retards. (I might be paraphrasing, but you get the point.) ;)
ReplyDeleteAwwww, you called me B, only my older brother calls me B.
ReplyDeletePermission to hump the leg?
And I would never compare my literary knowledge against his when it comes to actual books, the ones I was referring to are of the comic variety, the superior books, none of that Dostoevsky bullshit.